we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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