I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
