Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
