I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
