i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
