Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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