They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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