he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
