So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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