i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
