You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
