Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
