on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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