he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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