omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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