so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
