I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
