i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize