Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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