what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
