cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Damn victory sex feels great
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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