i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
