Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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