Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
