Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
