grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
