He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
