I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
