I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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