dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
