there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
