it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
