dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
