I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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