I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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