It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
