just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
