I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
