i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
