The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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