i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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