I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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