mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
