So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
