the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
