I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
