about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
