I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
