i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
