weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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