just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
