I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
