It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
